Pirate Rules ...
1. When fishing, a pirate uses either a sword, a knife, or his bare hands. Use of a hook is only acceptable in the event the pirate is missing a hand. 2. Parrots are the preferred pirate companion. Monkeys are an acceptable substitute, unless they fling stuff at people. Then they are an awesome substitute.
3. No pirate shall ever sit on a toilet seat, for any reason.
4. Pirates never use the words "fresh" or "feelings," and certainly not together (as in "I have that not-so-fresh feeling").
5. Peglegs must be made of timber or some other suitable wood. Plastic, ceramic, porcelain, or metal peglegs are utterly unacceptable, simply because it complicates the use of the phrase "shiver me timbers."
6. Pirates do not wear eyeglasses or bifocals unless they are looking at a treasure map, and even then they are allowed only a monocle. Any comments about "Mr. Peanut" while wearing the monocle are prohibited.
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